you will notices this is mostly blank.
plays/musicals usually arent my thing, but damn stomp hits different. please go see it if its near you.
stomp is a musically based play/msucial that is all unconvetnial rhythms and instruments. its all done on a stage that looks like its out of a post appocoliptic desert, all the cast fit the bill as well. the kicker though is that theres no dialouge, its purely using brooms, sopping carts, road signs, and other wacky things like newspapers and sneezes (real btw) so create really engaging rhthms. i when to an amazing chinese resturaount and china town and on the way there my dad (who had been too the last time it toured in the mid 90s) was talking about how he recognized african rhythms and odd time signatures strewn throught. all in all amzing trip, and i stopped at a asian market after and i have perfect boba ingrediants now. its fucking yummy
im dysphoric as fuck but im drownding it in endorphins and femtanl (the music artist) cuz bro dropped a new BANGER
im still headbanging so hard to these BANGERS. but i also just got word my package got delivered, i got the nothing ear (sticks) and im EXITED, they make such cool shit
so theres this racist, homophobic kid at my school, and i got his ass in trouble, IT FEELS SO GOOD. hes been messing with us the whole year, and now he gets what he deserves
for once im alive, i feel like a real person, not some outcast alien, i feel real, in every sence of the word, a actual person... this is why is stay live, a real moment
so im not sure where to put this so imma put it here and in the bad ones thing. so i hold music very dear to my heart, many albums like glass beachs works, dark side of the moon, french exit, but very importantly roars,"im not here to make friends". somehting about it hits so close to home for me, i mean first, it was my obsession during one of the worst parts of my life, i was barly scraping by as dysphoria was knocking on my door with a door ram and i didnt know what "dysphoria"g was... so i took it as "oh, i wanna be something im not, i wanna be a vampire!" and railroaded my life into hell and a half. and second, its just so so melancholic (like i am), the lyrics the chords, omg the chords i need to rant, HOW DOES SOME RANDOM DUDE MAKE ME GET TO THE VERGE OF TEARS WITH NOTES?!. but i digress; i just feel that it hits every string (on his guitar and my heart) with effortless beauty that puts me in a better time, i know i said it was bad back then but i loved every second of imagining me, the real me, no restrictions weather they be socialtal or the actual fabric of our reality. anyways, i have to science now
the ep (but very bitcrushed and 30 seconds per song. thanks tidal)
this is the most boring day, and thats good, i know what i look like, and im fine with it. no dysphoia, no nothing, just pure life. i think another bit of my brain finished cooking because my world view has changed, its like i cant overlook anything anymore
i feel alive, i think the realization that school is ending is just like lifting the elephant off the camels back. i got vansire, glass beach, and a little kendrick rolling, and im cool with being a dude, yet i still feel that little bit fem, i just feel alive, god i love life. granted these periods never last tlong, but im okay with a little peak into the sun
so this is a 2 topic endeavor, so first off. SCHOOLS ALMOST OVER! I CANT WAIT TO BE FREE!!!!!!!!!! second, i came out to someone new (you know who yout are) and im on the moon, it feels aazing to have someone that knows me, the ME. anyways, its three parts now, ive also been realing on the fact that there is a biological componeant to being trans, updates later. switching classes
ONE DAY LEFT OF SCHOOL, and today is watching the darkest minds, the book is better anyways. but im in the dark, my personal favorite because i can act a little more effminate without anyone picking up on the little guestures and tendancies of a girl, and philisohpically because it blurs people, its just the urface, and thats my best bit i have, if anything i look like a transmasc with small tits. but anyways, ROAR RELEASED A NEW ALBUM (the same band as the eyesore above). im so glad they returned to the same style (just a little more metal), and oh my god it is- just perfect, if my life is defined in glass beach and roar albums than so be it. oh- glass beach! an amazing band lead by j, my personal transfem inspo (if thats a thing). i just love her getup on stage, the flower on the mic was a good touch.), tbgba (the first glass beach album) is a great album, and it has so many peaks, but valleys as well. but thyre secone one, plastic deah. IT DOEST FALTER. PURE MASTERPIECE. I LOVE IT, so much i saw it live, and had the pleasure of getting my cassette handed to me by the bassist, i would have gotten it signed, but my dumass didnt bring a sharpie, although getting a certain flag drawn by her would be amazing. anyways, keep your heads up yall.
hello internet, welcome to game the- i mean, cynthia's midnight euphoria.
so schools over, no more hell for 3 months (i wish it was longer).
so im not sure how many of you were on the yt short/tiktok landscape during covid times; but if you were, do you remeber those "where you sleeping hardest" videos with tht dreamy music and sunset lit bedrooms that looked like heaven, do you remeber the vibes those gave off, the pure bliss and carefree existance you could just feel through the screen (or maybe that was just be considering i was trying to cope with my little egg feelings i didnt know were dysphoria) but anyways; thats my existance right now, dreamy lights, soft music, my body finally being mine, its all just there.
so i really only use this to make my habbit of writing out pain feel more worth it, and being in summer, a mostly worry free time period means that this may be left untouched for long periods of time. i would give more substace on how the dreamy state of mind has a lot of philisophical meaning but i cant really articulate those without a depressed and wandering mind, uhh, to continue with the theme of sharing my music, heres the current dreamy selection. afternotes, i think my cat followed me in, shes slowly walking around me and purring.